Clothes. I haven't bought new ones in a while. Losing weight is a journey that has it's ups and downs. I've done really well and it's been three weeks as of tomorrow. I've taken the focus off of food in my life. Which I LOVE! I've always felt hungry and had food cravings all my life and on this plan I don't have them. I thought about Cheetoes the other day and wasn't even tempted to eat any. Of course I don't keep things like that in the house.

Garrison and Misty drove up from Colorado Springs Friday night and stayed until late last night. It was great to see them. Garrison had a talk with Christian and Christian apologized to me for the argument the other day. My oldest son has come full circle. He had problems in his youth but he has grown into a responsible and sensitive young man. I'm very proud of him most of the time. He's close to wanting to go back to church. He wants to finish school and go to college. I love seeing the lights turn on when a child reaches maturity.

Matt Milligan wrote a blog about Cynthia being gone for a month now and how hard motherhood is. His eyes are wide open to all of what she did for the family and ultimately him. He talked about missing silly things like crowded bathrooms and how he has all of the closet to himself now and doesn't have to be quiet in the morning to avoid waking her up. It was heart breaking. Sometimes the things he says brings back memories of what I felt when Ray died. The silence was something that made you feel crazy for a while. The only thing that makes it better is time. Time will heal all wounds because it layers life over the pain. That is just how it works. I saw my mother go through it. Every day she lived without dad was a new experience he wouldn't share. When enough of those days pile up you realize that it's your life now. All by yourself. It's okay because the sun will come up and whatever challenge presents itself is a kindness that you never expected.

I'm excited about my new babies. Harley is getting so round in the middle and she groans when she moves now. She's uncomfortable and I just pet her and hug her a lot. She is so wonderful to do this for us. There are no words to describe how much I love this bulldog. I've had pets before but I don't think I've ever felt this way about an animal. I think they are one of God's most cherished creations. They adore you in ways that people never will. They don't fight with you or cause you grief. Unless they get sick they are problem free. They offer unconditional love and admiration. I'm amazed at how easy it is to like yourself around your dogs. It makes you feel so good to think you're doing SOMETHING right in your life!

I'm teaching nursery today. There is a little girl in nursery named Allysa Hall who looks exactly like Taryn did as a baby. I sometimes look at her and get these burning tears in my eyes. How long ago it was that my little girl was a sweet and innocent baby like that. All the promise in the world and all of a mother's hopes and dreams for her happiness. It's so hard to deal with a child who takes a road you don't approve of. She and I are so very different. She told me the other day she wants to experience all of her own mistakes. I guess I wanted her to be smarter than that and gain from my mistakes. Ultimately life becomes the choices we make and she will learn that the hard way. It's her right to do that I just had hoped to help her avoid some of the pain she's going to feel. THAT is the hard part of parenting. I wonder how many times I did that to my parents. Didn't listen and did it my way only to discover how hard I'd made my life. I wouldn't change much even if I could because it's made me who I am.

Wow, lots of reflection today. Well, the puppies are growing up so fast. I have less than two weeks left with them and they are progressing with their weaning beautifully. They are completely off of their mother and eating mushed up puppy chow now out of a dish on the floor. Both of them ate together for the first time this morning. Every day it feels like they grow up so much. Their sharp little teeth draw blood when they chomp down on my hands and feet. I taught them the word "NO" this morning. Eloise stopped and looked at me as if to say, "That's an odd word!" She got it though. She toddles on her way toward the edge of the rug and grabbed it and shook it hard. Glad it was the rug and not my foot. They grow up so fast. Kids and puppies.

~Adele~