Autumn

I noticed yesterday that the leaves on my tree out front are falling. It was the first time I'd seen that and I sat in my wicker chair and looked at the green carpet of grass littered with leaves and just felt the cycle of the year coming full circle. Since I've gotten older I've noticed time slipping through my fingers faster and faster. Does this mean it won't be long before I'll be gone too? Just like the leaves on my tree? We get such a short time here on earth. Some shorter than others. I still feel like there are so many stories to tell and conversations to have. So many lessons to teach and learn. I think a lot about what will happen to my children and my family after I'm not here anymore. Everything will go on of course and I'll be a memory just like the beautiful leaves on my tree. If you stop to notice it there are a lot of cycles in your life. Not just the seasons but that is probably one of the most dramatic.

I love that Frank Sinatra song "It Was A Very Good Year". That song reminds me of my dad. I miss him so much sometimes. I'll hear a song or experience a trial and just need to hear his voice. I haven't heard it for a very long time and still I can hear it in my mind. I wonder if he can hear my thoughts too and if he watches over my kids and me. Does he know my frustrations and disappointments and does he know I'm sorry for any time I ever did anything to hurt him. I know as children sometimes we forget about the feelings of our parents. I know my own kids do. They are so busy living their lives that I fade into the background a lot. I never meant for that to happen with my mom and dad. Why is it when you finally bring them back into focus they aren't with you much longer?

Loss is a terrible thing and still it takes those feelings you have and embeds this lesson inside you. To never take one minute for granted. Not one. That everything counts and prayer is sometimes the only comfort there is. You hand on to hands a little longer and stop and notice smiles and the way the sun shines and lights up a child's hair. How soft a puppy is and that running without a care in sight is the most innocent and sweet thing a child can do.

Yesterday in nursery we taught the kids that they are children of God. Each child got a turn to come up and have their name said and be told they were a child of God. They were smiling and so proud to be up there having everyone tell them who they are. I had a ball with them. We play Mr. Potato Head and find all the animals for Noah's Ark and do puzzles together. I don't think I've ever had this much fun in church. I never knew how much these little babies could teach me. It's as if I needed to start all over from the beginning and what better place to start than with the babies themselves. We blow bubbles and color pictures and hug and they come to me to put their toys together. I love it. I LOVE being surrounded by babies. For two precious hours a week they are mine. I don't have to do Nursery I GET to do Nursery and it makes me excited to go to church on Sunday. Children love so honestly and so willingly. There is no preconceived opinions just real sweetness there. It's easy to feel who you are around a child. They give to you when you give to them. It's that simple. Amy and I gently teach them to share and obey and they do.

One thing though, it makes me miss my children when they were tiny. I've had to become so much more creative to get them to obey and share as teenagers. Again, the cycle of life. Autumn. I'm in my "Autumn". I love this season. It's always been my favorite. Life's lessons are in place and you're reaping the rewards of a lifetime of lessons by now. Sometimes trying to unlearn things but for the most part enjoying your point of view from years of paying your dues. If you can still see the beauty in falling leaves you must have done something right.

~Adele~