The "after"

I thought I wouldn't have any problem this time selling the puppies. I was wrong. Today they had their shots and now are ready to go home with their new families. Even though I know they are going to incredible homes I feel a sense of loss that is hard to describe. I told myself I wasn't going to do this and that this time I would protect my heart but it just isn't possible. You give love to something and it owns you. You serve someone or something and it becomes part of you. How do you say good-bye to that? You can't. It's inside you and you carry it with you always. I still think about the first litter of puppies and miss them sometimes so much. I've gotten closer to these little girls because there were only two. One for me and one for Craig. In some ways it's been harder because we had more time to give them. We played with them more and bonded tighter. Every minute with them now is precious time. I don't even want to put together their folders of information because it means it's over.

I've got about four days until the new ones come. Four days to cry some tears and get some sleep. Shampoo the carpets and stock up on baby wipes and ask myself if I can do this again. It's so hard. Not the before or the during but the after. The after is what gets you every time.

~Adele~