Our First Snow

Today we had our first snowfall. The sun is out now melting it all off but this morning it was a winter wonderland. It's really quiet around here today and I'm grateful for that. I spent some time talking to my mom last night on the phone and she told me she's having a hard time missing my dad too. She had a solid offer on their house and it looks like it's going to be sold for sure. That was the last thing of dad's. Now it's official and he's really gone. That's not my home anymore and where he lived and died isn't ours. That is harder than I thought it would be. Taking it all apart was tough but thinking about someone else living there is hard too.

I know life goes on and that's how it should be but when you lose someone you love you just want something to never be the same. More than moving out of a house or dividing up belongings. It sounds silly but it almost feels wrong for things to go on like that person never was here at all. I was watching that movie recently, Four weddings and a funeral. At the funeral they read this poem:

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

That's how I feel sometimes. I never did grieve over this. Taryn's surgery and all the scare that she might have cancer prevented any of us from really feeling the loss of my father last year. We did the best we could to just limp through it all. It's funny how your emotions can play "catch up" with you when you least expect it.

I'm grateful for the puppies right now. They are so wonderful and such great therapy for me. One more week and they'll be gone too. If there's one thing you can count on it's change.

~Adele~