Communication

Communication is a wonderful thing. Without it you make up all kinds of things that just aren't true. Especially in families where you assume too much. My sister came to see me last night. It was the perfect time for a visit. My kids were both gone at friends for the night and my husband was working until the wee hours of the morning. So I was here with the doggies alone and she wanted to bring up my birthday gift instead of mail it. I hadn't seen her since Lola and Eloise were still here back in September. About two months. Since then the kids caused some trouble with all of us over some of my father's belongings that were kept from them and it was just this stupid misunderstanding. Well nothing has changed between Anna and I and last night I realized how silly I'd been to assume she was mad at me. It's amazing what our pea size brains allow to happen when communication isn't there. I felt bad about a hundred different ways. I also read a blog from a friend that really touched me. He is doing his best to raise his family without his sweet wife who passed away a few months ago at the tender age of 39. His writings are eleoquent and poignant and I love that he is willing to share with all of us how this experience has changed him and his family. I knew them as a young couple when he was still in medical school.

Communication. Who knew he was so wonderful and that beneath that quiet and shy exterior was this deep and thoughtful person who could comfort everyone around him when I would imagine I would want to crawl into a hole and never come out if I'd lost the love of my life the way he did. I'm in awe of this man. I am humbled by it all. Completely humbled. I've been through a lot but not that. I was always afraid of it actually. When I lost Ray it was in the beginning of our relationship and not after we'd built a life together and had a family to care for. That changes the dynamics completely. Even with the promise of eternity together it would still be so heart breaking to wake up each day without your other half. I know that feeling but not like he does. I don't look into the faces of beautiful children who miss their mother and long for arms that won't be able to hold them through hard times. I don't have a clue what he feels and it's so deeply humbling I just sit and read his blogs with tears in my eyes. What a lesson it is for me to never let that bridge of communication fail.

Well last night I had the most wonderful time with my sister. We laughed and talked and she told me about how hard it is to live without her little Zena who died in October. What a horrible quiet there was in her home and how huge a presence she was and of the hole that was left when she was suddenly gone. No one realized how big it all was until it wasn't there. I thought of Cynthia. Her sweet family and how the holidays will be without her this year. Matt doing all the planning for them and the Grand Canyon size hole that is there and yet the spirit of peace that comes knowing it's all going to be okay and all this we go through gives us the experience and ultimately the strength to complete our journey through life.

No guarantees but there is communication! What a blessing that is. Just sharing what we know and never allowing those lonely moments to conjure up lies about our loved ones and our lives. Sigh. I've done that too often. I will not do it again. At least now I'm on my guard. After all it's the people who matter most. Without the ones we love life has no real meaning or joy. I love my sister and somehow my family will be okay. We are all still struggling without my dad. He was the glue that held us all together. I miss him every day.

~Adele~