Transition

Taryn moved out a few weeks ago. It's been very quiet here now. Snoring bulldogs is about it. I went through the whole house and purged. Gave tons of stuff to charity and cleaned everything from top to bottom. Not sure why I did that but I did. New phase of life needed a cleaning I suppose. I cried that first night. Taryn's empty room did me in. I sat on the floor and just thought about her little chubby baby hands and her bald head. What is it about that part of life that just bonds a mother to her child? There just isn't much in the world as precious to a mother's heart as her little chubby baby. They completely depend on you for everything and you never want to let them go. They are this tiny extension of you. It feels unnatural to even put them down! hahaha I got accused of spoiling my kids all the time. They were Velcroed to my hip.



So this is my life now. Just me and Craig. We went to Idaho and Utah last weekend to see Craig's nephew get married. His little wife Stephanie is adorable. They did this modern dance together like something you'd see on Dancing with the Stars and I just thought how cool that would be. To have that in common with your significant other. It was so Yankee Doodle, hahahah. So American. Sweet. New relationships and a new life starting for them both. I guess it brought all that back to me from years ago when I was that age. I fit into a size 5 and had that wide eyed sparkle like these kids. I like where I am now. I'm 52 this year and I have a lot of "Life University" experience. I might not be the brightest little bulb but I have sales and people skills thanks to a lot of things I've done and people I've learned from. My dad was the start of my training. Seems like a snowball I've picked up things from just about everyone I've met.



This has been a very interesting year for me. Working with Server Plus has been educational and it's taught me so much about myself. I really dove into it and didn't let myself be intimidated by the technology and I just learned it all and I think I impressed myself constantly at the level I could keep up with. That's always a good feeling. The books I've read have changed me in so many wonderful ways. Good to Great, Atlas Shrugged, Rich Dad Poor Dad, Who Moved My Cheese, How to win friends and influence people, Embraced by the Light, The Secret. All of them have touched me in different ways. Oh and Question Based Selling. One of my favorites! There are so many things I wish I'd done earlier in life like investing and planning for my future. I wish I'd learned early about assets and liabilities and built assets for the things I wanted to buy. No credit. No debt philosophy. I've realized that the American dream traps people in the rat race. Work hard and pay your bills and somehow come out ahead. It's thinking we were all taught as kids. We weren't shown how to be wealthy from childhood. How to invest or how to take calculated risks. How to form a corporation to protect our income or that a lot of jobs teaching you a lot of things about life was more productive than one job that took you through your life.




Sigh. I'm learning it now. Never too late? I'm listening to a song that reminds me of my father. It Was A Very Good Year by Frank Sinatra. I just read Embraced by the Light again a few weeks ago. What impressed me most this time was that we judge ourselves after we review our lives. We don't hurt over the sins we commit we hurt over the good we DID NOT DO. I've become so much more aware of my tone of voice, my willingness to give, listen and just be there for others. I don't admire people for their educational degrees, I admire them for their ability to give of themselves and how they have so much treasure in heaven for it. That is what I want most. To have a clear conscience at that moment. I know I won't. I know there are times I'm unaware of that I've hurt someone and didn't know it or know that what I did would trickle down to them. I don't look forward to that moment.



Christian told me he is enlisting in the Army a few weeks ago. I had to come to terms with the same things I did when Taryn was going into surgery. He is God's child too. Heavenly father will watch over him and if he is needed here he will be protected and if he isn't he will go back to live with God. He could be taken any time. We all could. That's the hard cold reality of it. My friend Rachel who is in the Army said it's more dangerous to be in Washington DC than it is to be in Afghanistan right now. The crime rate is so bad in DC. How sad is that? Sure doesn't speak well for our nation's capitol.



So this is the next to the last day of October. A tumultuous month for me. Always has been really. My grandfather died in October. Christian was born this month. Anna my sister, born this month. Lots of important changes happen in October for me usually. Taryn moved out this month. Shawn my best friend born in October. My first real boyfriend was born in October. I usually get jobs in October. I got hired officially by Bradley Reborn in October. Wonder what November will bring.